Big Blue Bad Day

Some days, everything seems to go wrong. You know it's a bad day when:

• sibling death threats start flying before breakfast
• the kid who's allergic to peanuts took the PBJ lunchbag, which means the kid who hates salami got the salami lunchbag, and there'll be $%#& to pay after school
  
• the other kid's lunch was an entire pan of brownies
  
• you discover that someone squeezed a whole tube of toothpaste into one of your favorite shoes -- after you put it on
• your blood pressure is 160/90 and you're completely exhausted by 8am
  
• yes, that smell is dog poop, and yes, it's on the carpet, and yes, the 2-yr-old is finger painting with it, and no, you didn't leave the room for more that 20 seconds
• you take the dog to the dog park and he pees on someone's leg
• coincidentally, that guy's 200-lb St. Bernard lunges at you, knocks you flat, and proceeds to drool unbelievably slimy slobber all over your face
• you decide to console yourself with a fresh cup of coffee, then someone bumps your elbow, you accidentally squeeze the cup, and end up wearing your brew
• you sigh "que sera" and smile, because some cute guys at the coffee shop are grinning at you and (you think) checking you out, and you're happy about this until you pass a mirror and discover that someone stuck a post-it on your rear that says "Mom has a big butt"
• your rip the sticker off and feel relieved that not too many people have seen it, it's early in the day -- and then you get home to find out that your 5-yr-old videotaped you from behind (from an uncomplimentary angle) and someone else (let me guess) posted the video on YouTube (don't look for it, I already took it down)
• you nearly fall asleep at lunch
  
• you make a comprehensive grocery list, fold it up, put it in your handbag, and when you get to the store you discover that some scissor-happy artist has made a snowflake out of it and put all the pieces back in your purse
• your 14-yr-old daughter asks, "But what's WRONG with thong underwear, Mom?"
• you interrupt your 12-yr-old jumping off a 5-ft high dresser onto his sister's bed, narrowly missing decapitation by the ceiling fan (just when you thought it was safe to leave them alone...)
• your turn your head for 10 seconds, the 2-yr-old goes missing, and you find him in the dryer
• someone has eaten the dog food, and it's not the dog
• someone has been eating the chicken you were going to cook for dinner, and it probably was the dog
• your 14-yr-old (who swears it was by accident) teaches your 5-yr-old to say,"I'm gonna kick your @$$..." (wait -- do I detect a theme for the day?)
  
• someone decides that Lost is great bedtime entertainment for toddlers
• you don't discover until 11:55pm that you've been wearing someone else's underwear since you got dressed in the dark at 5:30 this morning (well, that explains the weird bunched-up problem you had all day and -- wishful thinking -- maybe even the "big butt" sign...)
• bedtime falls on a different calendar day than when you got up; maybe tomorrow you should stay in bed